I never wanted to live with a grey parrot. I didn’t consider myself a “grey” person, choosing instead flashier and more boisterous avian companions. In the past fourteen years I’d kept many species of various parrots, including lovebirds, macaws, conures, Amazons, parrotlets, lories, finches, canaries, and poicephalus parrots. I noticed that grey owners were almost neurotic about their birds, tiptoeing around them as if the greys were little feathered mental patients. I’ll keep my hardy, exuberant, carefree flock, I thought, and you can keep your neurotic pigeon-looking, plucking-prone, smarty-pants beasts. That is, until I met Hope.
Hope had a charismatic quality unlike that of my other birds. At three months old he was already mimicking his breeder’s wheezy cough, and he looked me in the eye as if to say, “Hey, I don’t need you, but I kind of like you. You’re acceptable. I give you permission to scratch my head.” Before I knew it I had a Congo African grey in my home and I started tiptoeing.
It didn’t take me long to realize that walking on those proverbial eggshells wasn’t necessary. But I learned very quickly that Hope wasn’t like the other birds. He demanded respect and a superior level of companionship and he did it without acting the clown, without screaming, and without clinginess. He did it by being my friend.
Most people living with greys will say the same about their relationship with their bird. But how the grey can become such a close friend to such a vastly different species—a true friend, not a pet—is a mystery. But maybe some of the mystery can be solved by looking at what kind of people choose to share their lives with this charming companion. I spoke with several other grey owners to find out why we—and our birds—are so special.
The Average Grey Companion
What attracts people to the grey? Intelligence comes to mind first and foremost. Dr. Irene Pepperberg, research professor at Brandeis University in Boston, Massachusetts, and colleague of the legendary CAG, Alex, said that the grey’s size is appealing, and of course, so it its notoriety as the “brain” of birddom.
“A lot of people have heard about Alex and they want to have an Alex. Of course, they forget that Alex gets eight hours of undivided attention per day,” said Pepperberg.
A “grey person” is someone who can’t necessarily tolerate consistent screeching, but had better learn to tolerate consistent talking. The grey’s ability to talk well is both a blessing and a curse for the species.
“Unfortunately, we find many people are attracted to greys for their talking ability, not realizing that along with this innate ability to mimic comes a cognitively-functioning mind that wants a ‘say’ in its lifestyle,” said Jo Gore, Director of Birdlove Avian Sanctuary/Adoption in Columbia, South Carolina. “Fortunately, there is another group of greys purchased by wiser owners who have researched the species before purchase and continue to educate themselves about their beloved companions.”
The grey’s talking ability is more than just “cute,” and functions to deepen the bond between bird and human. Morgan Henderson of Aldan, Pennsylvania, said that her family acquired a grey because her husband, Ed, is blind, and wanted a bird he could communicate with verbally. Oliver, their 11 year old CAG, consistently amazes Henderson.
“Oliver had taken to walking from his cage into the kitchen early mornings to help Ed unload the dishwasher and prepare breakfast,” said Henderson. “Ed could hear Oliver’s footsteps, and would wait for Oliver to walk over to him.”
When the family hired another blind person to work with them, Henderson was worried that Oliver would get stepped on because the new person’s hearing wasn’t as acute as her husband’s. She voiced her concern and Oliver seemed to understand.
“The very next day, Oliver began a new practice. Now, when others are in the kitchen, he beeps every few seconds as he walks, just like a truck backing up,” said Henderson.
With such a sensitive, cognitive creature in the house, it’s easy to see why the grey transcends the usual human/animal bond, and speech may play a large role in reinforcing that bond.
“Grey owners that I’ve spoken to tend to desire a bit more than mimicking speech— they want a relationship,” said Leslie Cox of Atlanta, Georgia, who lives with a male CAG named Savvy. Grey owners want to experience cognitive communication. “In a nutshell, grey owners tend to focus on the relationship rather than the novelty. I also suspect that parrots that are purchased on impulse are not greys as a rule, but the ‘prettier’ and more generally gregarious and openly affectionate species. I haven’t heard of many greys that hopped to the front of the cage and started talking to draw attention from strangers to themselves. I have, however, heard of conures and amazons who have actively sought out human interaction with strangers. From my point of view, greys, more than any other commonly available companion species, are purchased with forethought and planning, and possibly more often by experienced parrot owners.”
So, people who choose to live with a grey are generally well informed and thoughtful. I can buy that. So does Susan Heiler-Adams a teacher of severely developmentally delayed students in Los Angeles, California, who lives with her eight year old CAG, Thandi.
“From my activities on bird websites, the ones I have found to be the most active are the African grey sites,” said Heiler-Adams. “Everyone wants to share stories and to ask advice. The person who keeps a companion grey seems to be especially interested in meeting the needs of this bird both from behavioral and health viewpoints. Another pat on the back goes to the grey caregivers for their kind and considerate treatment of other group members. It’s rare that a rude or tactless response is shot at another member. African grey people are patient and kind, from what I have seen. Those with companion greys share a sense of humor, an interest in good training procedures, and a sympathetic nature.”
Not only do people living with greys tend to have a sympathetic nature, they must have calm and centered nature, according to Maggie Wright of New York City, host of www.africangreys.com and editor of The Grey Play Round Table magazine.
“Greys are very sensitive creatures and they pick up on our thoughts and feelings, and if you’re an uptight type person, the bird sometimes picks up on that. It’s better to be pretty grounded,” said Wright.
Helier-Adams agrees, and adds that a grey’s human has to be attentive and forward-thinking as well. “Greys do well with a person who is willing to provide the intellectual stimulation and time the birds require to blossom. Someone who can be proactive to a situation rather than reactive will do well with a grey. Preventing or quickly stopping a negative behavior before it becomes established is an important step in guiding a companion grey in the right direction. A person who can see trouble brewing and can distract and redirect the bird will help to ensure the pet will remain an involved member of the family.”
Like Owner, Like Grey
They say that certain animals and humans, having lived together a long time, begin to resemble each other. In the case of greys, human behaviors do rub off on them, for better or for worse. People choosing to live with greys do seem to have some characteristics in common—they tend to be bright empathic people with a sense of humor, according to Henderson. “Also, they are people who honor the wisdom, intelligence, and humor of our peers and the rest of the creatures with whom we inhabit the planet.”
Cox said that greys appear to her to be regal and discerning. “Am I ‘regal’ and ‘discerning’? Nope. But I pay attention to the needs, emotional and otherwise, of all the living things in my home, and try to create a relationship based on their individual characteristics and preferences,” said Cox. “I get the sense that my grey offers that to me in return, albeit more on his terms than on mine.”
Pepperberg also affirms that greys have very different personalities than many other birds. “I like to joke that they’re the little guys in the three piece suits,” said Pepperberg. “They are very analytic. As parrots go, they are quiet birds. That might be why people are intrigued by them. It’s very rare that a grey will be given up because it’s screaming like a cockatoo.”
I do find that Hope mimics my moods, babbling manically in his insane repertoire of oddly juxtaposed words, phrases, and sounds (picked up from me, the television, the computer, and from what he hears outside our windows) when I’m in an “up” mood, and settles down when my energy is low.
“If you’re happy, your grey will be happy with you,” said Shelly Musser, Foster Home Coordinator and Board member of The Exotic Bird Rescue in Eugene, Oregon. “If you’re sad, they know that too. I have met a lot of birds, but none as sensitive to our moods as the African grey parrot.”
Cox believes that animals and humans settle into routines in their interactions and that understanding takes place inside the routine. “The bird learns what pleases me and I learn what pleases the bird, and so it seems that there is a similarity of personalities, but I think we’ve simply adapted to each other,” said Cox. “Perhaps it’s true that I chose a grey over a caique because the ‘charming clown’ isn’t as appealing to me as the ‘complicated thinker.’ But I won’t go so far as to say that I’m a complicated thinker or to say that Savvy hasn’t ever been a charming clown.”
The Grey Relationship
I have grey colored pets—two schnauzers. But like most people living with an African grey parrot, I don’t think of Hope as a pet. We’re more like equals. I’ll tell the dogs to sit, stay, and shake a paw ten times a day. With Hope, I’m just glad he’s content to have me around. We “hang out” in a way that the dogs and I could never do. We seem to understand each other.
“Greys are totally unique in the way that they bond and connect with you,” said Wright. “There’s a very deep connection with an animal that is so intelligent. Most people purchase the bird for its talking ability, but when they get close to the bird, it’s really a deep heart connection that happens that’s hard to describe. They have a spiritual wisdom about them. They are sacred in Africa to many indigenous peoples who believe they brought the word of God to earth. There’s a calmness about them and you feel that they know so much more than they reveal.”
Gore realized that she never baby talks her greys as often as she does with the other birds in her sanctuary. “I always use my normal voice, as though I were speaking to a respected person and fully expect them to understand what I've said or asked,” said Gore. “It just seems to be the ‘natural’ way to interact with them, as though anything less would be patronizing.”
Relationship seems to be the key word when describing the interaction between a grey and its human, though the bond can’t be compared to any other significant relationship—it’s a connection with its own distinctive qualities.
“I don’t think of my bird as a human or as a dog, and I certainly don’t think of my bird as my child,” said Cox. “My grey is a wild animal. My dogs are not, my daughter is not (but the votes aren’t in yet on my husband). My dogs and my human family members also share the common trait of being predatory mammals, so there’s an instinctive understanding between us, whereas my bird is exactly the opposite—a prey animal—and that significantly alters the way I approach the relationship. It’s incumbent upon me to work harder to understand and accommodate his instincts.”
Much like a human, a grey can offer the kind of interaction that begins friendships in the first place.
“My grey is relaxing, comical, entertaining, sympathetic, and easy,” said Helier-Adams. “He lowers his head for scritches, gives me a kiss or two, and then sets up preening on the arm of the couch beside me. He adds a sense of the unexpected and a comforting sense of satisfaction, much like sitting quietly with a longtime cherished friend. Then he flies off to inspect what my sons are doing, to empty the dog kibble, or to toss things off the kitchen counter. And so he and I argue, then come to an agreement and he returns to his nearby couch perch to munch on a slice of apple—for the moment. Life is good with a grey.”
I agree. Life is indeed good with a grey. Hope is always on my mind, and not just because he’s yelling “Call now!” after the infomercials on television or because he’s imploring me to “Come here, come here” over and over again. Hope is on my mind because he’s my friend, as weird as that may seem to non-bird folks. They don’t know what they’re missing.
